Choices are personal, beliefs are universal

I apologise if this seems painstakingly obvious, but it's been on my mind for a while. 

I consider myself a fairly open-minded and non-judgemental person, but I know that the way that I choose to live my life could lead people to assume that I would judge somebody who chose to live their life differently than how I did. So just to clarify:

I've always believed that if I were to have an unplanned pregnancy, I would choose to give birth to and raise the child. That would be my choice and I would have my own (personal) reasons for making it. That does not mean I am anti-abortion.

I like to wear makeup, and lots of it. Before a night out, I can easily spend an hour just on my face. This is my choice and it's because I love makeup. It has nothing to do with excessive vanity or lack of confidence, nor does it have anything to do with how I think people ought to look. That said, I would never bat an eyelid at anyone who chooses to go out without makeup.

I shave my legs. Even in winter, when they're never on display. This is my choice and it's how I feel comfortable. This does not mean that I am disturbed by the presence of body hair on other women.

If I were ever lucky enough to have a large family and a financially successful partner, I would happily be a stay-at-home mother, which is a traditionally feminine role. That would be my choice. That does not mean I am not a feminist, and it definitely does not mean I would judge any woman who chose to have a career instead of stay at home with her children.

There are two points to what I am saying, and the first to me seems so incredibly obvious that I am dumbfounded as to why there is any confusion around the concept; choices are personal and you cannot assume someone's overall beliefs from their choices. When somebody makes a choice, it does not necessarily mean that they believe their choice is correct and should be universalised. 

Say you don't like strawberry ice cream but you have a friend that does. Do you think that they are making the wrong decision? Do you refuse to tolerate hearing that they have eaten strawberry ice cream, or their eating strawberry ice cream in your presence? Of course not. That would be ridiculous. Just as it is ridiculous to assume that somebody who would not herself get an abortion is against it entirely. The key word with abortion rights is pro-choice, and this includes the choice to not get an abortion as much as it does the choice to get an abortion. Personally, I see myself as pro-choice not just in terms of abortion, but in every decision a person may choose to make as long as it does not cause harm to others or to oneself (and no, I do not count embryos as 'others', but this is another post entirely). 

Of course, I recognize that not everyone is the same and some peoples choices correlate exactly with their beliefs, but these are probably the kind of people who would refuse to tolerate a friend eating strawberry ice cream in their presence. You cannot go through life assuming that everybody is like that.

My second point is in regards to feminism, and I address everyone here, whether you identify as a feminist or not, who has an opinion on feminist - there is no wrong way to be a feminist. Being stereotypically feminine does not make you a 'bad' feminist. I am a feminist, but that doesn't mean that I have to join the military, grow out my armpit hair and refuse to have children. Just because I want to be seen as equal to a man, that does not mean that I have to be masculine; my traits are a mixture of "masculine" and "feminine", just as everybody else's traits are. 

If you believe that we have not reached gender equality (which we have not) and you believe we should, then you are a feminist. All you need to do in order to continue to be a feminist is to live your life exactly as you want to no matter what your sex/gender, and to not judge anybody else for the choices that they choose to make.